Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
