Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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