You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
