I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
