Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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