i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
