That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
