i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
