Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
