i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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