im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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