3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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