Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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