he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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