i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
