Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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