Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
