dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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