I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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