Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
