Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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