every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
