Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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