You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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