wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
