Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
