Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
