Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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