are you still at the devil's house?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Acid is not a monday night drug
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
