i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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