I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
