dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
