Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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