His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
