Four minutes until I can fart!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
