I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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