So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
