His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize