everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
