Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
