glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
