For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
