hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
