I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
