i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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