at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
