You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
