Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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