update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
