really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The adults are the big ones right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
