I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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