i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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