Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
