We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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