The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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