why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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