Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
