Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
