You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
