How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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