"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize