I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
