allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a beard to bite.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
