I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
