the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
