Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
