You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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