Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i now understand why vodka
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
