if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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