they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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