our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
